The Letter
by FaithinBones
Summary: Booth receives an unexpected letter in the mail. This story takes place in season 6.
1. Chapter 1

(After The Bikini in the Soup)

I don't own Bones.

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It was in the mail when he got home. He'd found the letter between the electric bill and a two for one coupon for Sichuan Pavilion. Leary of the envelope, he'd dropped it on the coffee table and tried to ignore it. He should have known that would be impossible.

It was getting late and Booth had a decision to make. Throw the letter away or read it. He considered throwing it away, but he knew it would haunt him if he didn't open it. How bad could it be? She'd already ripped his heart out and what could be worse than that? He opened it.

 _Dear Seeley,_

 _I don't know if you will read this or not, but I thought the way we left things between us left some things unsaid and I needed you to hear what I have to say._

 _I want you to know that I love you and I always will, but you were not meant for me. You never were._

 _When we met, you were lonely. So was I. Being in a war zone isn't easy for anyone and when you're alone it just seems to make things worse. You start to think, what if I die? Will anyone notice? Will anyone care? It's kind of daunting if you think about it?_

 _Anyway there you were, Sergeant Major Seeley Booth. You arrested me for being where I shouldn't have been and I was angry with you at the time, but you were just doing your job and how could I fault you for that? When I got to know you, I found something that I hadn't realized that I'd lost. You were a piece of America, a piece of home. You put a face on the military for me. You reminded me that our men and women are flesh and blood. Most of them are a lot younger than you were and that makes me sad when I think about it. Young people thrust in to a dangerous situation, afraid to make a mistake that could prove to be fatal for them or someone else. Brave men and women who were there to make a difference in a country being torn apart._

 _I was proud to know someone like you. A warrior that's true, but a man filled with compassion and kindness. You were kind to me when you didn't have to be and I appreciated that more than you'll ever know. I was drawn to you in a way that I haven't been for a long time and I wanted to know you better. You let me be a part of your life and I was happy. You made my assignment more bearable. You made me feel things I hadn't felt for such a long time._

 _Now comes the hard part and I'm sorry in advance, but I need you to know some things and this will be my only chance to say them. I'm not trying to be hurtful in anyway. I'm just trying to be honest with you._

 _I never meant to become attached to you, but I did. I never meant to follow you home, but I did. I don't think I really thought about why I was doing it except that I thought I loved you and I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to be with you and impulsively I told my boss that it was time for me to come home and he let me._

 _I know you were shocked when I showed up at the Diner, but I had hoped it was a pleasant surprise. You seemed to be so happy to see me and I thought I'd made the right decision, but now I know I didn't._

 _You weren't the man I thought you were. I don't know if that's my fault or yours, maybe a little of both. In Afghanistan, I saw a charming soldier who was handsome and brave and who was romantic and so so sexy. That's what you let me see. What you are in your real life is a dedicated policeman who wants to right the wrongs he sees. A real Captain America. You abhor injustice and you work long and tedious hours to get the job done. You're a family man and you love your son. You want a family and a quiet life and that is where we are so different. I'm not looking for a family. I love my job. I love the danger and the risks it takes to do my job. I love to travel. I love being on the front lines giving America the news it needs to have. I don't want a quiet life. I never did._

 _You asked me to marry you and I couldn't. I couldn't because I could never settle down. I could never live in one place doing the same job day in and day out. I am a nomad. I told you that up front and it was the truth. That is the life I crave and you don't. I understand that. I can't change who I am any more than you can change who you are._

 _Since I am being completely honest, I want to mention something else. I found out that you had surgery for a brain tumor before you came to Afghanistan. I was home, in your apartment one afternoon and someone from Dr. Latrobe's office called to remind you about your annual checkup. She left a message on the answering machine. I was curious and I looked up who Dr. Latrobe was. Imagine my surprise when I found out he's a neurosurgeon._

 _That scar on your head, I've felt it when I've run my hand through your hair and you'd told me in the past that it was an old injury. It wasn't though. Since I couldn't get you to tell me about it I confronted Temperance about it. She seems to know about everything that's happened to you in your past, so I knew she probably knew about the surgery. You'll be happy to know she wouldn't tell me about it. She told me that I needed to talk to you since it was part of your past and not hers. She says she wasn't comfortable talking about your past without your permission._

 _Through a little digging around, I found out that you'd had a brain tumor and you were operated on to have it removed. I won't tell you who told me about it since you might consider it a personal betrayal._

 _I found myself mulling over the fact that you couldn't trust me with that part of your past and that was very hurtful, Seeley. I was in a relationship with you and you were hiding something very important from me._

 _You should have told me about the tumor. If you had really loved me, you would have told me. Brain tumors are not something you hide from someone you're serious about. I know you love your privacy and have never really volunteered that much about your past to me, but somethings are important and this was not something that you should have hidden from me._

 _I began to wonder about us. If you were capable of hiding something this important from me then what else were you hiding from me and then came the news that you used to have feelings for Temperance, but you didn't have them anymore. And yet, you are her best friend and you and she are still partners. I don't know how someone just turns off their heart like that. I know I can't. The more I thought about it the more I realized that your life was a blank book to me._

 _A brain tumor. You used to have feelings for your best friend. That poker chip you constantly hold in your hand when you're trying to think or you're worrying about something, it made me think that it was a talisman and it is isn't it? You have a medal in your tray that you keep on the dresser. I was curious and I looked at it. It's a five year medallion from Gamblers Anonymous. One more secret that you kept from me._

 _As you can see there has been a pattern between us and I didn't know what to do about it. You said you loved me and yet there were all of these secrets. Secrets that were a wall between us and probably always would be. How was I supposed to deal with your past if I didn't know what your past is? What if your brain tumor had come back? Would you expect me to give up my career to take care of you? My career is important to me and I could never give it up. Have you fallen from the gambling wagon in the past? How did you handle it? Can I trust a man that keeps such serious secrets from me? Let's face it, you weren't very honest with me about your past and I worried that would always be part of our pattern. Are you this dishonest with everyone you supposedly love?_

 _When you asked me to marry you, I had to turn you down. I'm not the marrying kind and I enjoyed our relationship just the way it was. You did too. How could you ask me to marry you when you were hiding so much from me? You couldn't have been very serious about us Seeley. Not really. I love you, but I couldn't marry you. You weren't the man I fell in love with. You never were._

 _I do love you Seeley and I always will, but we weren't meant to be together. You knew that. You just couldn't admit that to yourself or to me. I hope you can find someone that you can trust with your secrets and that you have a happy life. I do want you to have a happy life._

 _Hannah_

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Booth didn't meet Brennan at the Diner for breakfast and she tried to call him to see what the delay was. When her call went to voicemail she left a message asking him to call her back. After a while, she assumed he was delayed and he wasn't coming so ordered a bowl of mixed fresh fruit, a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of juice. Once her meal arrived, she called Booth once more to see if he would like her to bring him breakfast. Her call going to voicemail once more, she started to worry. It was rare that Booth didn't return her call within fifteen minutes of her first attempt.

She knew he was having a hard time and was still mourning his breakup with Hannah, but that hadn't prevented him from talking to her when she called. Something was wrong and she needed to see her partner as soon as possible. That decision made, she pulled her wallet from her purse, fished out money and laid it on the table next to her bowl of fruit. Abandoning her breakfast she hurried from the diner to her car and before she pulled out into traffic she tried to call her partner once more. Once again her call was routed to voice mail and that just increased her worry.

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So what do you think of this so far?


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for reviewing my story. I appreciate it.

I really don't own Bones.

Oooooooooooooooooooo

Her knock went unanswered and that worried her. She'd seen his SUV in its usual parking space, so she knew he was home. Knocking louder she waited until she realized that Booth wasn't going to answer the door.

Her heart beating a little faster than normal, Brennan started to worry about all of the possibilities hidden on the other side of the door. Was he angry and in no mood to talk to anyone? Was he sick and so weak he couldn't ask for help? Had he . . . no she wouldn't go there. Booth was strong and he would never take his life just because his heart had been crushed. He was much stronger than that. His life was filled with tragedy and disappointment and he had never considered taking his life before.

Except he had. Booth had told her about his childhood and that if his grandfather hadn't saved him he would have taken his own life. If he could contemplate such drastic action then, then she supposed he could contemplate it now.

Grimly, she fished the spare key she had to his apartment out of her purse and held it in her hand. She knew that if she used it she was risking his anger, but on the other hand if she didn't use it and he needed her help she would never forgive herself for just meekly walking away.

Determined, she knocked once more and once that went unanswered, she placed the key in the lock and opened the door. The apartment was quiet and she found that very disturbing. Booth hated silence and always had his TV or stereo on. Even when he slept, he had told her he ran a fan so the hum could help him sleep.

Moving down the short hallway, she strained to hear any noise that might tell her he was in the apartment. Once in the living room, she found the coffee table a mess. It contained several empty beer bottles and an empty bottle that had once held some Jameson Irish Whiskey. It had been a present from her to him the previous Christmas.

As she passed the table, she noticed an envelope and a crumpled letter on the floor. Stooping, she picked up the envelope and letter and noticed that it had been written by Hannah. Curious, she read it and felt sick once she was done. _How could she do that? He loved her and this is how she treated him? He gave his heart to her and this is what she did with it?_

Brennan was furious and felt a deep hatred forming for someone that up until that moment she had considered a friend. Carefully placing the letter and envelope on the coffee table, she moved over to the bedroom and feared what she might find. Bracing herself, she entered the room and gazed over towards the bed.

Booth laid sprawled on the bed, face up. Wearing only a pair of sweat pants, he took up most of the room on the mattress, his arms and legs flung out widely. To her relief she saw his chest rise and fall and she knew that he was alright. Or as alright as someone can be after the person you love treats you so poorly.

She hesitated in the doorway. He was obviously in a deep sleep and was probably drunk. Booth could handle his liquor, but not when he'd drunk as much as he probably had. Slowly, she closed his bedroom door and pulled her phone from her purse. Once Cam answered the phone, she told her supervisor that she was taking a sick day.

Once that was accomplished, she placed her purse down on the couch and did the one thing she could do for Booth. She cleaned up the messy coffee table, swept the floors, washed the few dishes in the sink and cleaned the bathroom. Once that was accomplished and she was satisfied that the place was clean, she checked the contents of his fridge, made a list and went shopping.

When she came back, she removed four new casserole dishes from the bags, unloaded the food and placed most of it in the fridge. Once that was done, she put together enough ingredients to make four dishes of Mac & Cheese. Booth considered that dish to be comfort food and Brennan wanted him to have a lot of it. Once the four casserole dishes were filled and baked, she allowed them to cool and placed them in the fridge ready to eat whenever Booth wanted them.

After that, she cleaned up the kitchen, checked on Booth to make sure he was well, placed two bottles of water on the nightstand next to his bed along with a bottle of Advil and left the apartment. She had done all she could do for him. She just hoped it was enough.

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Groggy, Booth woke up and knew that he had made a huge mistake. It was one thing to drink a few beers, but he had gone way beyond a few. He'd drunk so much that now he was sick and with that thought, he rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom where he barely made it in time to throw up in the toilet. His head pounding, he fell to his knees and leaned over the toilet hoping that this part of his post drunk would end quickly.

After a while, he staggered to his feet, washed his face in the bathroom sink and gargled his mouth with water. He was too afraid to use Listerine. Once he dried his face with a towel, he staggered back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. His head leaning on his hands, he sat still and waited to see if his stomach would settle down.

As he sat in his bedroom, he thought he smelled the faint perfume of his partner in the air, but he knew that was impossible. Brennan hadn't been in his apartment since Hannah had officially moved in. A little unsettled, he shook his head and stood up. Slowly he moved towards the door and was puzzled why it was closed. He didn't remember closing it before he went to bed, but since he'd been drunk who knew what he'd done.

Once he had the door open, he moved into the living room and again he caught the scent of his partner in the air mixed with the odor of melted cheese. Confused, he moved towards the kitchen with the intent of snagging a bottle of water from the fridge. His mind on his headache, he didn't notice that the living room and kitchen had been cleaned. His mouth and throat were so dry he felt like his tongue was glued to the bottom of his mouth. Opening the fridge, he grabbed a bottle of water and while his hand closed around it he noticed that his fridge was filled with food.

Staring at the four casserole dishes on the second shelf, he realized why he'd smelled Brennan's perfume in the air. She'd been there and she had brought him some food. The thought of food made him feel sick, so he quickly closed the fridge door to shut out the sight of the casseroles and the various bags of fruit and vegetables.

Parched, he drank the water from the bottle and as he did so, he finally noticed that his kitchen was clean. Curious, he stepped out into the living room and found that room was clean too. Grimly, he noticed Hannah's letter was lying on the coffee table and he wondered if Brennan had read it. Not that it mattered. It's not like Hannah had said anything untrue.

Finished with his bottle, he placed it on the dining room table and walked back into his bedroom. Before he lay back down, he noticed the two bottles of water and the bottle of Advil on the nightstand and knew that Brennan had tried to help him. _What am I going to do with you, Bones? You break my heart, I break yours and you're still willing to help me get my shit together. Where to do we go from here? I hope you know because I don't._

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Let me know what you think of my story. Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

(After The Bikini in the Soup)

Thank you for reviewing my story. I appreciate it.

I really don't own Bones, not even a little bit.

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The next few days seemed to creep by and Booth wasn't sure why. For some reason, he couldn't quite put his finger on, they just seemed to be long and tedious. He did his job, but he didn't seem to have a lot of interest in what was going on. That worried him. It worried him a lot. He loved his job, he really did and he found it disturbing that he seemed to be so apathetic about everyone and everything around him.

Ever since he'd read the letter from Hannah, he didn't seem to feel anything. Nothing seemed to touch him. Driving by a pool hall on the way home from work, he felt a sudden urge to play. Booth hadn't played pool since he'd met Brennan, but now seemed like the perfect time to start again. He loved pool. He loved the sound of the click of the balls as they hit each other and then scattered around the table. The long pool cue in his hand gave him a rush as he lined up a shot. It gave him a sense of control he no longer felt he had.

Once he was in the pool hall, it was like he'd never been away. A few familiar faces in the room and it was like he'd never left. Soon he was playing by himself and to his surprise he realized that he was only a little rusty. As he played game after game, he felt that old confidence come back and he knew that he should have never stayed away.

Soon he was drawing attention from a few other players and then came the challenges. Confident he took up some of those challenges and won. His confidence growing with each win, he kept playing until he was interrupted by a phone call. Pulling his phone from his pants pocket, he noticed that the call was from his partner. Since he knew they weren't working on a case, he let the call go to voice mail and he continued to play.

The hours wore on and he started to lose a little. Not concerned about a few loses, he kept playing. This was what he was born to do. Gambling was in his blood and he felt alive and in charge. Soon his luck changed again and he started to win again. The wagers grew and his confidence grew with it. He was on a winning streak and he was happy. Probably happier than he'd been in a very long time.

The hour grew late and he finally realized it was three in the morning. Shocked that he'd been playing pool non-stop for the last eight hours, he folded his winnings and placed them in his pants pocket. Much to the anger of the two men he'd been wagering with for the last three hours, they saw Booth place the pool cue back in a rack and grab his jacket from a nearby table.

"You can't quit now. You have three thousand of my dollars." The younger of the two men was growing furious by the second. "You have to let me try to win some of it back."

Not interested, Booth shook his head. "I have a job, Buddy. I have to get at least some sleep tonight." He moved towards the entrance the younger man following closely on Booth's heels.

"I said you can't leave." The stranger was livid. He felt like he'd been hustled. "Are you a con man or something?" He grabbed Booth's arm and tried to turn him around.

His patience gone, Booth turned and pushed the man away. "Touch me again and I'll beat the shit out of you."

The menacing look from Booth gave the man pause. "You cheated. You're a pro. I want my money back."

Filled with contempt, Booth shook his head. "I haven't been in a pool hall for the last six years. You're just a bad player. Why don't you stop while you have the chance? You stink at this game."

Filled with rage, the younger man trembled. "I'm good. I am . . . you hustled me. That money . . . I was trying to parlay my winnings so that I can finally pay off my wife's medical bills. We've been buried under those bills. I need that money. It's all I've got. It's all we've got. I'm good and there is no way you should have took me for three thousand. No way."

"You shouldn't gamble if you can't afford it." Booth was appalled at the younger man's recklessness. "What's the matter with you? You think gambling is magic? You think it will magically take care of your problems for you? You're out of your damn mind if think that's true. Gambling doesn't give it takes, it takes until there's nothing left . . ." Booth paused and thought over what he'd just said. Pulling out the wad of money from his pocket, he peeled off three thousand dollars and threw it on the ground, turned and stalked away. "Go home to your wife, idiot and be grateful you have someone that loves you and wants you. You keep this shit up and you'll be alone and you'll deserve what you get."

Furious with himself, Booth stalked over to his truck and hopped in the front seat. Once there he watched the younger man pick up the last of the scattered money from the ground and shove it in his jacket pocket. Once that was done, the man walked over to the entrance to the pool hall, stopped, then turned on his heels and stalked away.

"Smart move, Junior." Booth rubbed his eyes and tried to think. Tired and disappointed in himself, he started up his truck and drove home.

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He was tired and worse he was filled with a desire to gamble. The previous night's trip to the pool hall had left him hungering for more. He'd been fighting gambling his whole adult life and he thought he'd had it beat, but now he wasn't so sure. He'd been cocky and stupid. Now he all he could think about was placing bets and he was afraid.

Sitting in his office, he realized that he had to do something about his problem or he was going to continue to gamble and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He had a job he loved. Parker was counting on him to be there for him and he couldn't be if he was broke and hanging out in pool halls. Sick with worry, he left his office and soon found himself in a place he hadn't visited for at least two years.

A group of men and women were already sitting in a circle waiting for the meeting to begin. Booth moved over to an empty chair and settled on it. Disgusted with himself, he watched and listened as the meeting began. Soon individuals were standing and talking about their problems, about how long it had been since they'd rolled dice or played cards or used their last bit of paycheck to play the horses. He'd heard it all before and he knew that he needed to speak too.

"My name is Seeley and I have a gambling problem . . . It's been years since I've gambled . . . well until last night . . . I don't know what happened . . . No that's not true, I do know what happened. I asked someone to marry me and she turned me down. I . . . I didn't take it very well. In fact I took it pretty badly. I was mad at everyone including my best friend. I said some things and . . . anyway I was mad and then I got this letter and anyway, I stopped feeling and I wanted to feel again so I . . . last night I played pool and I won. I won a lot of money and I was so high from it and then I met this guy and he'd gambled all the money he had to try to pay off bills for his wife and I thought . . . I thought what a dumb mother fucker that guy is. He has a wife that's counting on him and there he was gambling their money away and . . . and it hit me, I was gambling with my future just like that guy was. I can't gamble any more. I want to be a better man and I can't do that and gamble too. I can't be that guy risking everything I love on a wager. I can't do it. I don't want to do it." Not sure what else to say, he sat down and stared at the floor. _I've got a good life. I do. I won't throw it away just because things aren't going well for me right now. I'm better than that. I am._

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Let me know what you think of my story. Reviews are always appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

(After The Bikini in the Soup)

Thank you for reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it.

I really don't own Bones.

Oooooooooooooooooooooo

After she had gone to Booth's apartment to check on him, Brennan had made sure he had plenty of food, his apartment was clean then she had left for home and tried to relax. Booth was in a bad place in his life and she couldn't get him out of it. She could back him up and help him if he needed it or wanted it, but he was the one that had to alter his attitude about what had happened.

She was furious about the letter though. Most people saw Booth as a snarky, gruff man with little patience. She knew he was a kind, considerate man who felt things too deeply. He led with his heart and he'd been hurt many times because of it. What amazed Brennan was the fact that Hannah had lived with the man for months and yet she didn't seem to understand who he was at all.

Sitting alone in her apartment, Brennan thought about it and came to the conclusion that one of the major reasons Booth's relationship failed with Hannah was the fact that he didn't share much of his past with her. The letter said as much. Hannah had no idea who Booth was and she blamed Booth for that. Perhaps if he had been open and honest with the reporter perhaps he would have had a successful relationship with Hannah, but Brennan couldn't be sure about that. There was too many random variables in the equation to be completely sure.

On the other hand, Hannah seemed to state in her letter that besides being against marriage she was worried about his brain tumor and his gambling addiction and how those things would affect her in the future. One of the reasons she turned him down was because she saw those as potential inconveniences that could damage her career or her future. Brennan found that disturbing. She felt that if Hannah had truly loved Booth she would have been more worried about what it would do to him if the tumor came back or if he fell off the gambling wagon not how it would affect her and this was why Brennan was so angry.

No matter how angry she got with Booth she never failed to remember that up until now he'd not had an easy life and that he was always fighting to be a good man. His constant fear that he would turn out to be like his father added to the problem and Brennan knew that. She knew that many people considered her clueless when it came to dealing with people and they were right when it came to strangers, but she was actually insightful when it came to people she knew and loved.

Booth was her favorite subject and she had studied him for a long time. His childhood had been horrifying and Brennan could relate to that since her childhood was hardly better. Her friend also carried around a certain amount of guilt from his army days when he'd killed 50 men as a sniper. He was cynical and most people had to earn his trust. Add to that, he'd had a brain tumor that frightened him, a gambling addiction that he battled with every day and these things just added to Booth's burdens in life. Brennan knew that and she took those factors into account whenever he made her angry and he did make her angry.

She also knew that she made him angry and that they bickered a lot. If anything this was just one more reason that she loved him. Yes she did love him. He was willing to argue with her about almost anything and she found that rare. Most people did not argue with her about anything. They either accepted what she said or they became impatient with her and cut off communication. Booth was honest and she valued that trait in him. He was her best friend and their past problems had done nothing to change that.

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Brennan had spent the next several days worrying about her partner. They'd had a case that was pretty straight forward. A skeleton had been found in an abandoned building, but they were able to identify the victim within two days. Booth had worked the case, but he'd been distant during their time together. Brennan wasn't sure if it was because she had invaded his apartment unasked, but she didn't ask him about it and he didn't mention it.

Determined to move Booth out of his current mood, Brennan had waited for her work day to finish and had left work at six. After a stop at a new Chinese restaurant, she drove over to Booth's apartment and carried a box filled with food up to his apartment. Waiting for him to come to the door after she knocked on it, she hoped she wasn't making a mistake. She didn't want to push him.

"Bones." Booth had opened the door in a pair of jogging pants, a ratty looking t-shirt and a wild pair of stripped socks. "Um, hi."

Not sure if she was welcome, Brennan held up the box for him to see. "I brought dinner if you're interested. There is a new restaurant open down the street from my apartment and I thought I would . . . ."

"Oh, yeah, okay." Booth had mixed feelings about Brennan showing up at his apartment. He was embarrassed about her finding him drunk and passed out the last time she was there, but on the other hand, he was lonely and he desperately needed the company. Especially since he'd just come back from a Gambler's Anonymous meeting and it hadn't seem to help him. He had been fighting with himself all day and he really wanted to gamble. Maybe her being with him would help, at least he hoped so. He stepped back and waved her in. "Thanks. Thanks for thinking about me. I appreciate that. Come in."

Surprised at the welcome and just a little nervous, she entered the apartment and walked into his living room. The stereo was playing some music that she recognized as Pearl Jam. Booth did love the classics. "Would you like to eat at the kitchen table?"

Leading the way, Booth moved into the kitchen. "Sure, we can do that." Grabbing two plates from a cabinet and two bottles of beer from his fridge, he placed them on the table.

Brennan place the box of food on the table and sat down. "I got a mixture of the things you like and dishes I like."

As he sat down, Booth smiled at her albeit nervously. "Sounds great. Thanks." Filled with nervous energy, Booth grabbed some chopsticks and a box of ribs. "They smell good."

Booth appeared to be almost manic and this worried her. "Are you alright? You seem . . . agitated."

He had been unaware that he was practically thrumming with energy, but her pointing it out caused him to pause and try to will himself to relax. "Yeah, I guess I'm just restless . . . I um . . . I'm having a bad day." Afraid to say anything else, he scooped some ribs on to his plate, placed the box down on the table and stared at the glistening meat.

Sad her friend was suffering, she placed her hand over his hand. "Can I help you?"

Exhaling deeply, Booth looked up and smiled a sad smile. "You already are by being here." He didn't really want to tell her about what was wrong with him, but he had to. Hannah's letter had hit him hard and the part of her letter where she'd accused him of keeping so many secrets from people he loved had made him realize that those secrets only caused him trouble. Bracing himself, Booth knew he would have to admit what was going on to Brennan. He just hoped she wouldn't walk away from him like so many other people had in the past. "I gambled yesterday . . . I . . . yeah." Ashamed, he turned his gaze back towards the food on his plate. The last thing he wanted to see was the disgust on her face.

"Oh Booth." Brennan was really worried now. "Perhaps you should go to one of your meetings." Afraid to fuss at him in case it might make things worse, Brennan held her breath without realizing she was doing it.

"I did." Booth wanted to be as honest as he could be. She was his friend even if they had been on rocky ground for the last year or so. "I went to a meeting this morning and one this evening. It's . . . It's not helping. I'm trying, but . . . God, I . . . I'm trying."

Brennan slipped off of her chair and walked around the table to stand next to him. After she placed her arms around him, she leaned her head against his head. "I won't let you fall, Booth. I'm here and I won't let you fall."

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Let me know what you think of my story. All reviews are welcome. Thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for reviewing my story. I appreciate it.

I don't own Bones.

Ooooooooooooooooooo

They sat in the kitchen for a while, neither of them hungry. Booth accepted her hug and remained seated while his partner had assured him that she would help him. Finally he roused himself and turned to stare at her. "Why don't you eat, Bones? It's been a long day and you need to eat."

She released her hold on him and returned to her seat across from Booth. Her appetite gone she picked up the box containing spring rolls and removed one. Filled with worry for her friend, she placed the roll on her plate and turned her gaze back towards Booth who was staring at her. "I guess I'm not really hungry."

He was sad that he was complicating her life, but he knew he needed her and he wasn't about to send her away. "Yeah, me neither, but we should eat anyway." Booth picked up a rib from his plate and nibbled on it. Not sure if he was doing the right thing, he placed the rib on the plate again and swallowed. "You read the letter?"

Reluctantly, Brennan decided Booth needed to hear the truth. "Yes. It was lying on the floor. When I picked it up, I noticed it was from Hannah. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy like that."

Booth shrugged his shoulders. "It's okay. There wasn't anything in the letter that wasn't true."

"You're wrong." Brennan shook her head and felt a renewed sense of hate for the woman she had thought of as a friend. "She said you are dishonest with the people you supposedly love. That sentence alone was enough for me to realize that Hannah was wrong." She saw him shake his head and sigh. "Booth, you are a very private person. Like me, you don't share your past until you're ready to. Your past is painful for you just like mine is . . . After we started working together, it took us weeks before we told each other anything about our past. Weeks Booth. If we count the time we first worked together, it was fourteen months before I found out you had a son. We shared small confidences over time, but we didn't really know a lot about each other for several months. It's who you are. It's who I am. Hannah didn't understand that about you."

"I didn't tell her about the important stuff." Booth wanted Brennan to understand that Hannah wasn't wrong. "My brain tumor . . . that's a big thing and I didn't tell her . . . I thought that if she knew about it she'd run from me as fast as she could . . . she did actually . . . she did do that. She just waited for me to ask her to marry her first . . . When I asked her to marry me, you know what she said? Before she turned me down? She told me she thought we'd have more time." Booth laughed, but it was a laugh filled with darkness. "She'd already discovered that I was a recovering gambler and that I'd had brain surgery, but she was willing to keep fu . . . having sex with me as long as I didn't want to make our relationship serious. I was good enough for a good lay, but marry me? Not going to happen. I'm damaged goods. Boyfriend yes . . . husband?" Booth shook his head, stood up and walked out of the room. The conversation had taken a darker turn than he had intended and he wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it anymore.

Not willing to let Booth walk away from her, Brennan stood up and followed him into the living room. "You aren't damaged goods Booth. So what if you had a brain tumor? It wasn't malignant and it may never come back, but even if it does that doesn't mean it will be malignant either. Hannah did a lot of assuming and so are you. Are we supposed to give up on people we love just because they've had a health crisis? That doesn't sound like love to me. It sounds like someone who is being blatantly self-centered . Did I or Cam or Hodgins or anyone else you know give up on you at the time when you had your brain tumor? You know we didn't. Your family stood by you and worried about you and helped you where we could. If someone loves you then they care about you. You taught me that."

"My family?" Booth was surprised she had called them his family and he was even more surprised that she was telling him that she and the squints loved him. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

Annoyed, Brennan moved closer to Booth and folded her arms against her breasts. "You were the one who told me there is more than one kind of family and it's true. You are part of my family Booth. Me, Hodgins, Angela, Cam, Caroline, I could name more. We are all part of your family and we care for you. When you're sick we worry about you. When you are gambling . . . well I want to help you with that too. You've given up gambling before and you can do it again. You're strong and brave and you will not let gambling become part of your life again. I know you won't. I'm confident that you've merely slipped. You didn't fall, Booth. It's not too late to stop."

His emotions roiling through him, Booth sat down on the couch and placed his head in his hands. "I should have told her though. I wasn't up front with her and she didn't feel she could trust me and she was right. If I'd really loved her like I thought I did, I would have told her about the tumor and my gambling problem. I would have been honest with her." He raised his head and stared at Brennan. "She hit the nail on the head. She asked me if I was dishonest with people I supposedly love and you know what? Maybe I am. Maybe I don't want people to know about the real me because I got to say this . . . the real me isn't really worth knowing. Not really." He'd felt that way most of his life and the knocks he'd had over the years just confirmed his greatest fear. He wasn't worth loving by anyone.

Outraged that Booth could even think such a thing, Brennan stamped her foot. "How could you say such a thing? I know the real Booth and he's a good and honorable man. He's a private man. A man who has been abused and hurt many times, but he . . . you care about the people you consider family." Furious that Booth was giving up on himself, Brennan trembled.

"Remember when we first worked together and how you didn't really like Hodgins?" Brennan watched as Booth leaned back against the couch and nodded his head. "Hodgins was very distrustful of everyone at the time and he didn't really get along with very many people, but when he was ordered to go to the Jeffersonian function and he was worried that his career would be ruined if his rich friends found out he was working there . . . what did you do? You came over to the Jeffersonian and gave him some evidence to work on, so he didn't have to go. You didn't really like him and you helped him anyway. That is the kind of man you are. You care about the people around you . . . You have helped me over the years and I for one am grateful. You helped me to reconnect with my father and brother. You helped save my life more than once. You've been there for Jack and Cam and me when we needed you to be because we're your family and you love us and we love you . . . I love you, Booth. You are a good man and you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry that Hannah turned you down and that made you angry, but Booth . . . I'm also glad she turned you down. She wasn't interested in a long term relationship with you and sooner or later, you and she would have parted ways. Hannah is interested in her career first. You need someone willing to commit to you. You deserve that."

Her speech filled with things he needed to think about, Booth stood up. "But I was dishonest with her. Yeah, she was a nomad and I knew she didn't want to get married, but I forced her to choose and she chose her career. You know Rebecca did the same thing. She didn't want to give up her independence either and that's why she turned me down, plus I was gambling at the time and she didn't want to deal with that. I couldn't really blame her for that either . . . you turned me down too because of . . ."

"No, Booth." Brennan interrupted him. She wasn't willing to listen to the rest of the sentence. "I didn't turn you down for the same reasons Hannah and Rebecca did. I turned you down because I was afraid."

"Afraid?" Booth crossed his arms against his chest. "Of me? Why . . ."

"No, not you." Brennan swallowed and turned to face the window. "I was afraid of me. I didn't believe in love and I thought once you were done being influenced by chemicals that you would fall out of love with me and I might lose your friendship. I love our friendship, Booth. It is my most valued possession. I have never had a friend like you. Never. Angela is a good friend, but you are my best friend. You have been for a while. When you asked me to become intimate with you I worried that sooner or later you would notice my life is not ruled by my heart like yours is and you would leave me. I told you that. I'm not a heart person. I never have been."

He was listening to her and he heard the pain in her voice. This time he wasn't going to make a mistake and drive her away. Not this time. He wasn't moving on. He was making a stand for both of them. "Of course you're a heart person, Bones. You kidding me? How many times have I seen you help someone because they needed it? My God, we had barely started our partnership and during one of our cases, you paid for two funerals for people you didn't even know. Two funerals. Who does that and not be a heart person? And that guy that robbed a bank because two assholes rigged a bomb vest on him and made him do it . . . we went to his funeral so his mother wouldn't be there alone . . . You've got the biggest heart of anyone I know. It's there, Bones for everyone to see. The only one that doesn't see that is you."

She heard his words and they gave her hope. He didn't think she was cold and heartless like most people she knew. He was willing to see there was more to her even if it was buried deep. She'd never been good at showing the world how she felt about things and yet he saw what few saw. It amazed her and frightened her too. He knew her and he still seemed to like her, to want to be her friend.

"I love you, Bones." Booth was careful and stayed where he was. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her and make her run. "You can take that how you like it, but I do love you."

Afraid she was misinterpreting what he was saying, Brennan turned to look at him. "As a friend?"

Booth shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, as a friend. If that's what you need then that's good enough for me. I love you, Bones and I want you to be happy. This mess I started outside the Hoover . . . I'd like to go back to the way we were. I want to hang out with you and work cases with you and . . . and be your friend. I want to bicker and fight over stupid stuff and in the end not have it matter because we're friends and we love each other. Is that okay?"

She had hoped for more and she did think someday there would be more, but for now, it was okay. "Yes."

Her simple answer was what Booth needed. A weight suddenly lifted from his shoulders and he smiled. "Hey I'm hungry. We've got some Chinese food in the kitchen calling our names." He placed his hand next to his right ear and cupped it. "Hear it . . . Hey Booth Hey Bones come and eat us. Hear it?"

Snorting with disbelief, Brennan shook her head and moved towards the kitchen. "If our food really is talking to us, I for one will not eat it."

Happier that he'd been for a while, Booth laughed and followed Brennan to the kitchen. "You may be right, Bones. I probably would feel guilty biting into something that was screaming."

Her face filled with disgust, Brennan quickly turned and slapped Booth's arm. "Stop that. I won't be able to eat if you keep saying things like that."

Booth placed his hands on the sides of his mouth making a funnel. "Help me, Bones. Booth is going to eat me. Help me."

Rolling her eyes, Brennan shook her head and entered the kitchen. "You are not funny, Booth."

"Sure I am." Booth entered the kitchen behind her. "I'm just an acquired taste."

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

One more chapter to go. Let me know what you think of my story. Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

(After the Blackout in the Blizzard – The Hole in the Heart)

Thank you for reviewing my story. I appreciate it.

I don't own Bones.

Oooooooooooooooo

After their talk while trapped in the elevator, after they burned their wishes on paper in a plea to the universe, everything seemed to be different between the partners. Booth was still afraid to move completely forward, but Brennan was patiently waiting for him. What had changed was their old comradery had returned. They joked, they bickered and they spent more of their time together.

If a stranger had been asked what he was seeing between the two, he would have said they were a couple in a relationship. The things they did made it appear that they were dating. Those that knew them just saw a return to their former selves. Invading each other's space, eating most of their meals together and spending their spare time away from work together.

The stranger would have been right.

After a few cases together, the partners assumed that they were in a relationship. Not a physical relationship, but a relationship none the less. Due to past experience, they didn't mention it to their friends because they knew it would just create confusion. They had both been the brunt of unwanted advice and meddling and neither felt that it had helped them in the past. They knew what they wanted and they just needed time to get there, without help, without interference.

After a while, the couple started to make sure that they dressed up when they went out together in the evening. They were careful with their appearance and both appreciated what a good looking couple they were when they were together. Aware that they were considered beautiful and handsome they had to dissuade the occasional flirtatious come on from someone, but they were confident enough in their relationship that they were no longer jealous when the other was propositioned or ogled. They had a goal and neither were going to stray from that goal.

They took long walks together and enjoyed each other's company as much as possible.

The tension between them was gone and Brennan noticed that Booth had lost some of his snarkiness, at least with her. He smiled more often and seemed to be content. Though it had seemed like he was testing her, she knew that if he was she had passed with soaring pigment. She hadn't been sure at first, but when he spoke of seeing a yeti and she had found a way to believe him, his reaction had clued her into to what he was probably doing. It seemed like he was testing whether or not he could trust her and she didn't mind. She knew she could trust him and that her partner just needed proof to reciprocate. She was able to give it to him and it pleased her that she was more socially adept than she used to be.

She was well aware that she was terrible when it came to silent communication. The under currents of most conversations eluded her, but Booth was different. She had learned that most of the time he was very open about what he was talking about, but there were other times when he seemed to talk in symbolism and she had learned over the years that if she was patient, most of the time she could break his code. She also knew if she couldn't she just had to ask him and he would tell her what he meant. Much to her delight, lately she didn't have to ask. She just knew.

As the weeks went by, Booth became more confident that Brennan wouldn't run from him when he was ready. He trusted her and he knew they just had one more step to make together and they would be where they wanted to be.

In the meantime, Booth noticed that Brennan didn't hesitate to stay with him when he was lonely. He never mentioned that he was lonely, but somehow she knew and it made him so grateful to have a friend like her. When he was having a bad day and his need to gamble was almost unbearable, Brennan seemed to sense it and she was there to keep him from making that awful step backwards towards failure.

Brennan was confident and seemed to be happy. Booth didn't know if her imperviousness was completely gone, but he knew his rage was and all he had to do was wait. In the past he would have been tempted to move them forward, but he was a changed man. He no longer felt compelled to push anything. If he was going to have a life with Brennan it would be on her terms. He could wait. He had almost lost her and he would not tempt fate like that again.

Oooooooooooooooo

The night Vincent had died had been a very complex time in their lives. Booth was remorseful that the young man had died, but he knew it wasn't his fault. Brodsky had a lot to answer for.

Brennan was mourning the loss of her favorite intern and was caught up in a personal dilemma. The boy had died in front of them, protesting that he didn't want to go. Because they were both atheists, Brennan felt that Vincent had felt somehow that she didn't want him to stay with them, that she didn't care if he died, but oh how she had cared.

Vincent's blood pooling around his body, Booth's hands pressed against the young man's chest, the horror of what Booth and Brennan were both seeing and that feeling of utter helplessness was not something that Brennan ever wanted to repeat.

Years ago she had pressed her hands against Booth's chest to keep his blood from pouring from him and she had succeeded. She hadn't known that at the time, but later when Booth appeared like Lazarus from the dead, she knew that her actions had helped save him. This time was different and nothing Booth or she could do could save the boy. The young man had died and Brennan was caught up in feelings of guilt.

Because Booth had insisted she stay at his apartment, she had not been alone and when her thoughts became unbearable she knew she could open the door between them and seek his help.

Booth had held her and comforted her. Having seen the death of numerous comrades over the year, he knew what it was to lose a friend, a brother in arms and he was able to help Brennan to understand what had happened and why.

Grateful for his kind words, his tender touch, his comforting arms, Brennan felt that the line between them was erased and it was. Booth held her and consoled her until her tears dried and trembling stopped.

Her touches became more intimate and so did his. For each move that she made, he countered it and soon they found themselves undressed and kissing very passionately.

Worried that he was rushing things, he stopped and stared into her beautiful blue eyes. "Are we ready, Bones? Are you ready?"

She knew what he was asking her and she was ready. A smile and a nod and they both came together in the ultimate act of love. No longer alone, they were finally together and no one would ever separate them again.

Oooooooooooooooooooo

I hope you enjoyed my story. Let me know what you thought of it. Thank you.


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